appreciation

the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. the beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides.

Bored at work...

the title says it all. >_<

i am so bored!!! I got some few things to do but i am not in the mood to do them. can't think of anything creative for a flyer template for next month's promotions. plus, i am eeeeerrr sleepy. it's like i want to sleep the whole day (24 hours).

*yawn*

My Lasts...

Last Cigarette: Marlboro Green---> when my dad asked me to light a cigarette for him..

Last Kiss: May 27, 2007 ---> goodbye kiss from my youngest sister. ^_^

Last Cry: July 22, 2007 --> while watching "Til I Met You" (LOL)

Last Library Book Checked Out: I don't remember anymore... That was during my college years...>_<

Last Movie Seen In a Theatre: Transformers... with Lorna ^_^

Last Book Read: The Templar Revelation (honestly, until now i'm not done with it)... >_<

Last Cuss Word Uttered: Shit! --> last night before I sleep.

Last Beverage Drank: luke warm distilled water... LOL

Last Food Consumed: Walnut Shrimp and Ripe Mango.... No rice. LOL

Last Phone Call: (I made) 07.23.07 2:48am -my time- when I called Patterson

Last TV Show Watched: Mel & Joey... Heheheh... GMA Pinoy TV. ^_^

Last Time Showered: Last Night... :p

Last Shoes Worn: High Heels. Actually I am currently wearing it. ^_^

Last CD Played: Personal compilation of emo rock songs (OPM Band).

Last Songs played: Upside Down & Prinsesa - 6 Cyclemind, Magbalik by Callalily (while on my way to work)

Last Item Bought: a pair of shoes & capri pants

Last Soda Drank: I don't remember. Stopped drinking sodas lately due to strict diet. Hahahahah.

Last Thing Written: a blog entry about uncertainty. ^_^

Last Key Used: Car keys.

Last Words Spoken: "Hafa dai this is Hazel speaking." ^_^

Last Sleep: This morning. From 3:00am - 7:30am

Last Sexual Fantasy: Last night with my teddy bear. Hahahahaha.

Last Ice Cream Eaten: I don't recall. It was already i think more than 2 months since I last tasted ice cream. LOL

Last Time Wanting to Die: When I was in my late elementary and early high school years... I even tried hurting myself using a blade... >_< So far I just had wounds on my hands showing the traces of a sharp blade that run through my skin... >_< *sweat* I had this abnormalities in handling depression (before).

Last Time Dancing: Last Night. Trying to sweat and lose excess weight/fats in my body. LOL.

Last Show Attended: Hmmm... Can't remember. >_<

Last Big Car Ride: my SUV is so far the biggest car I got into lately (just this morning).

Last Crush: Patterson James Macagne Agustin. ^_^ Hehehehe

Last Annoyance: Uhmmm. This morning. >_<

Last Disappointment: Just this morning also. >_<

Last Time Scolded: Last Night. >_<

Last Shirt Worn: My black Austin 3:16 shirt. ^_^

Last person to do this survey: Me??? Hehehehe...

Last Web Site Visited: www.friendster.com

Uncertainty Lingers

There is this something I have now that I greatly treasure and that makes me really happy. I have been vocal about it to the people that surrounds me except to two of the most important people in my life. I've been sharing my ups and downs with close friends and some people i just knew about it but why couldn't I share it to them?

I want them to know how happy and contented I am right now, but I don't know where or how to start. If they would understand or not.

I want them to be a part of it, but how?

I'm too hesitant. Scared of what thier reaction would be.

But there is one thing I am sure of. I want them to know about it directly from me and not from someone else or from just rumors/gossips.

Forbidden Lust

© By Samantha L. Martinez


Who gave Yourself to the death of the Cross to save sinners,
look upon me, most lustful of all sinners.
And I did love him with every inch of my flesh
burning with his fingertips and the sound of his voice
My body upon his made me feel angelic and his kisses;
so seductive upon my neck to my lustful lips
it started so easy as he held me tight against his frame
but as the candle dimmed his breath hastened as he touched me
my eyes shut tight with the biting of my lip
tasting blood as he kissed his way above my heart
the paleness of my ample breasts stained pinkish blush
his tongue surrounding the stone buds as I whimpered softly
hands all around my curves as if sculpting the glass of wine
the scent of the vineyard arousing his cravings as the kisses dwelled
down the slope of my midriff to a decadent yet mysterious valley
candy raindrops softly reflecting off the folds as he explored
taking into him that which I hold sacred and cherished
and oh God did he touch with such respect of the temple
finding the gem that lies hidden within it's fortress
thighs shudder in a wake of tide overcoming me
drowning me within the fantasy and reality I know I imagined
Praying to the Lord to let me die in such overwhelming pleasure
pinned to a sheeted cross he crucified me
I called out as Jesus did with a low groan and breathy moan
my legs nailed beneath his own as the adrenaline rushed my head
feverish bliss of defiled innocence and blasphemous eroticism
His soul embedded within mine as the height of the spasms climaxed
soaked within the holy waters of my own garden of eden
as Adam ate from the fruit of the punished so did he
His rib not within my cage but caging me within his greedy yearning
and he carried my seductive form from his bedded prison
body aligned in perfection with my own weary form
heartbeats as one as we drifted within my hazed confessional
praying for our sins as we again stain the sanctity of love
bless me father for I have sinned
but let me burn within my lust for I crave him

Missing You

It's been 2 days since Patterson wasn't online. Well, he attended his older brother's wedding in Manila. Oh yeah, he was the groom's man he said. I told him to take picture of himself so that I could see how he look like on that day. I've never seen him wearing a suit. ^_^

I've been calling him and i found out that he is enjoying his "short vacation" from work. Heheheh. Oh well good for him though. But talking to him on the phone wasn't enough for me. Darn, I am missing him so much. OMG.

It became harder for me when last night I had a "nightmare" again. I wish he is online and I wish I could talk to him. I want to share to him my dream. I want him to know it. And I want his advice. Eeeeerrrr. This is so making me worried. And I am not liking it. >_<

*sob*